Starting Over . . .

It was not my intent, but I do find it interesting that my last post (last summer) was titled, "Why Don't We Get The Story We Want?"

You see, my belief in that statement is even stronger now, than when I wrote those words almost seven months ago. 

It is not an understatement to write that my world, my life, looks radically different than it did then. And in this crazy, fallen world, I don't think I'm alone in my circumstances. 

You see, seven months ago, I was married. I owned a house. But I also lacked peace. And joy. And worst of all, I had long ago jettisoned my dependence upon God.

Let me be clear, my lack of peace and joy were my choices. And I was very much aware that I was helpless to navigate the challenges that were before me. I was calling upon Jesus on a regular basis to deliver me from the numerous challenges that I was facing. And I very much believed that the Bible taught that even in the middle of challenging circumstances, God will always provide a path that leads to peace and joy. However, when in the throes of chaos, I still sought my way before seeking Him.

And my way will never lead to true peace and joy.

Divorce

During the months leading up to my divorce, I questioned everything about myself, so whenever friends or family questioned the reasons for our divorce, I was sometimes at a loss to explain. Yes, I was the one who started the divorce proceedings, after years of my spouse hinting, and then proclaiming that it was her desire to see us divorced. (Not that she was alone in this desire, but even this revelation is difficult to place on the timeline of our relationship) To make matters even more complicated, I was working on staff at a church. The prospective loss of my job and worse, my church fellowship was heavy on my heart when I started these proceedings.  NOTE: I'm writing this within days of my divorce becoming official. So even though this finality of court proceedings is a recent event at the time of this writing, I have mourned the loss of my marriage many years ago. 

The article below has been a great help in my search for healing . . . 

"I wasn’t blameless in my marriage. Far from it. I often acted self-righteously, believing I was never wrong. I said unkind things with a condescending tone. I lost my temper more times than I care to recall. There were moments when I struggled to remember joy and peace was a distant memory that seemed to belong to someone else's life. And that’s just for starters.

One Word To Describe Jesus (by Bill Gaultiere)

Have you ever experienced seasons of pain, trials, and troubles that seemed to have no end? My family have been on the receiving end of seasons stacked up seasons without reprieve. A continual stream of stress, anxiety, anger, hopelessness, depression, fear, and so many other emotions, all running on high-alert, formed from multiple challenges that seemed when combined, seem insurmountable. Yet, God was with us, He took care of us, and He sustained us. During this season, this was one of many articles that God led me to read during that time. - keyboard60 (December 2025)

"One day in the fall of 2007 when I was meeting with Dallas Willard at his USC office he asked me, “If you had one word to describe Jesus what would it be?”

How would you answer that question? If you could only use one word to describe Jesus what would it be? You might pause to consider that now…

As I sat with Dallas words for Jesus were running through my mind and out my mouth: Jesus is… Love… Compassion… Holy… Lord… Teacher… Risen… Healer…  (These are all good words to describe Jesus.)

As he so often did in my conversations with him, Dallas waited in quiet for me to think. He was unhurried. I was drawn into his silent prayer. Finally, I asked him what his one word for Jesus was.

What one word would Dallas Willard use to describe Jesus? 

“Relaxed.”

Foreigner Suite by Cat Stevens

 "There are no words . . . "

As my life is undergoing some massive changes, I find myself reaching backward in time to remember emotions like happiness, joy, and love. Not that there are not people in my life that I don't love and cherish, there are many! But as I grow closer to being single again after over twenty-five years, I just catch myself longing for the years that seemed to be so simple and pure. (And yes, I recognize this is the impact of my current stress-filled existence and the filter of youth, I would appreciate you just granting me this moment of grace and alternative reality, even if for a brief moment.)