Yet, that was the problem, nothing seemed normal and the prospects of regaining any normalcy in my life seemed slim indeed.
I ended up in the hospital right before I was supposed to begin my vacation and the doctor mentioned things like stress, too much alcohol, and possible liver damage. I didn't listen because I didn't care. Went on vacation anyway, drank like a fish, and returned in a even worse state than I was when I had left.
My emotions were all over the place, I was driving for hours on end, hitting bars nightly, seeking relief through new places and new experiences, all with no success. The old adage rang true, "The problem with running is when you stop, you're still there." Friends started making excuses for dissing me because no one wants to be around a one-trick pony. My boss scheduled what he described as a "last chance" meeting if I wanted any shot at his job, with the additional realization that my current position was also in jeopardy. It was during this barrage of bad news that I discovered that my so-called friend, that I had been investing with for the past few years, had fled the city, with all of my funds, whereabouts unknown. At this same time the manager of our band loaded up all of our equipment, (which was mostly mine) and also left town. All of my music gear that I had been collecting since high school was gone. Due to these financial issues I had to sell my sports car, and moved out of the luxury apartment I had been renting.
So for those keeping score at home:
- Soon-To-Be-Wife - gone.
- Lifetime of accumulating musical gear - gone.
- Band disbanded - supplemental income - gone.
- Was facing possible loss of my current job position (Not to mention the goals I had been working toward for years)
- Forced to sell my sports car.
- Forced to move out of my apartment.
- Friends were missing.
- As was my financial investments.
Yes, life had plummeted way off of my planned trajectory.
Each day I would wake up in a cloud of despair which only got worse every hour I was awake. The steps needed to numb my pain was becoming more and more extreme. This spiral seemed to only have one logical ending.
But God.
Can you guess how this next chapter of my life is going to turn out?
In a surprising turn of events, my grandmother called me on a Saturday afternoon to invite me to attend her church. This was a rare event because like most members of my family, they had come to recognize the futility of this gesture. And yet when the phone rang that day I was actually in a sober moment of reflection. Still too prideful to ask for God's help but also rapidly becoming aware of the fact that He might be the only solution to my rapidly unraveling life.
I said I would meet her there.
I also had no intention of honoring that promise.
Yet I couldn't sleep that night, I was having terrible dreams and ended up waking up around three and driving around the city. (In my beat-up recently acquired used vehicle) As fate would have it, around nine that morning my car found itself in the parking lot of the little church my grandmother attended. I parked the car, turned off the engine, and promptly started to sob, heaving loudly and uncontrollably. This emotional outburst made me extremely angry (and embarrassed) and I remember punching the steering wheel, yelling at God and proclaiming that if this was His doing there was no way in " " I was going inside.
Not sure what my fellow participants parking their cars that morning thought about my little display but my sobbing instantly stopped. I put my keys back in my pocket, muttered something to God to the tune of a sincerely ungrateful thank you and proceeded toward the doors of the church.
What was about to happen I couldn't have imagined in a million years.
