That moment, that seems to last a lifetime where everything hangs in the balance. And then, without warning, suddenly everything changes . . .
I love to listen to people's stories. I like to listen long enough to sense the arc of their stories, the ebb and flow that will pull back the curtain on the decisions and emotions that accompany most of our lives. And without exception if you listen long enough, you will uncover those crossroad moments, those cliff-hangers, where the destiny of their lives was there for the taking, awaiting a push, plotting the next step, pleading for a sign. And if your storyteller is being brutally honest, they might describe that moment when emotions were running rampant, they couldn't imagine taking one more step, and lacked assurance that they could even endure one more second in that season of their life.
I'll bet that most of you know what I'm talking about, it is an unfortunate fact that if you get to hang around this planet long enough, you discover that almost everyone faces their personalized dark night of the soul. That scenario when all your tears have been shed, and your prayers have become guttural whispers. When you feel like you are all alone, misunderstood, judged, worthless, and discarded. When every ounce of strength is gone, and you can't remember what joy feels like. That moment of ultimate surrender, to something or someone, acknowledging, maybe for the first time, that life is not possible without assistance.
For some people that moment altered forever their relationship, or lack thereof, with God.
I mean isn't it true that when we are consumed with fear, anxiety, possibly in great pain, isolated from those we love, that in that crucible our true character, our deepest beliefs, are revealed. We are who we may not even realize we are when everything else has been stripped away. All pretense is gone and reality is left standing.
Those moments generally aren't pretty. They can be chaotic, panic-inducing, knee shaking experiences that would frighten the bravest warrior. When peace has fled the scene, when laughter, and worst of all, hope is a distant memory, then what can we do? When our minds are forced to face what they have dreaded the most, to whom do we turn?
If it is of any comfort, this is not a unique experience for mankind. Even the disciples of Jesus, walking on this planet with the Son of God, experienced such a crisis of faith. After a mass exodus of His followers, Jesus asked the remaining disciples, "Do you want to go away as well?" And Peter answered, "Lord, to whom shall we go?" (John 6:60-71) In other words, even when things were at their worst, what other options, other than Jesus, are on the table?
The second act.
I confess that I don't understand why God chooses to act, (or not act), and reveal Himself, (or not reveal Himself), in the way that He does. But long ago, in what seems like a different lifetime, I decided that He is God and I am not. He is good, and I am not. He is worthy, and I am not. He is love, and I so much of the time, I am not. And if I believe, I believe it all, or I believe nothing. He can be trusted, or not.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
So when the merciless winds of suffering are raging right outside your door, you too will have to decide what is truth and what is not. Because even though your beliefs may not change your immediate circumstances, they will change who you are and who you will become, forever.
No less a prize than the fate of your soul is at risk.
“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his soul?" (Mark 8:36)
