This was a frequent question at my house when I was growing up. Part of the problem arose from the fact that there were competing forces for the same sections of the newspaper. For instance, my brother and I fought to confiscate the comics section of the paper, and my parents both sought possession of the front page news. Sometimes this didn't end well for all the parties involved . . .
But before the initial plans could be made to circumvent the others goal of reading your favorite section, the paper first had to be located. Depending on the paperboy, (or papergirl - I honestly never remember seeing this person actually delivering the paper to our house), the newspaper's eventual destination varied greatly.
We had a little box next to our mailbox which was reserved for the newspaper but was rarely used. I'm guessing that ruined the adventure of throwing the paper. So it fell upon the first person in the house who ventured outside to discover where the paper had landed on that particular day. Under one of the cars in the driveway was usually a good guess, followed by my Mom's rose bush near the front yard. Other popular locations were in the branches of a pear tree, in the ditch next to the mailbox, somewhere in the leaves in the front yard, or my least favorite, across the street in varying degrees of disarray. There was also the unfortunate, and thankfully rare, event of the paper being found first by one of the roaming hounds in our neighborhood which meant that all bets were off regarding condition and location.
But assuming a successful search and rescue had been implemented and the paper was safely secured indoors, then the second stage of this game began. This stage involved finding a place to read in peace and quiet. This was not easy due to a couple of factors, one because reading the paper itself was noisy, trying to flatten out the edges so that you could than read the desired content was not a very quiet process. Second was trying to find a place in a small house where you were least likely to be discovered. The optimal location, for obvious reasons, was the bathroom. Turning on the overhead fan reduced the sound of the newspaper being manipulated as well as any unsolicited reactions on your part that might occur while reading. For instance, say Beetle Bailey happened to be unusually creative in his attempt to get out of his duties while also avoiding the watchful eyes of his Sergeant, well sometimes laughter was the natural reaction to such a diabolical scheme. But this outcome came at a cost, your location and worse, the newspaper's location were both at risk of being discovered. My personal solution would be to read the paper while keeping a small hand towel close by just in the event of such a triggered response.
Primitive but effective.
I have kept this habit of reading the paper throughout my life. Even now, when most papers are going digital, I prefer the feel and even the sound of the crinkly paper and being able to quickly evaluate the columns of information for what might interest me most at the moment. I fully realize the "old school" mentality of such a process but make no apologies for my personal favoritism in regards to how I like to read my paper. Today, my sequence of reading begins with the opinion page, followed by the sports page, and then, depending upon the headlines, either the front page, or the filler section. I still have not developed the habit of reading the obituary section but I can see that option growing in popularity as I continue to grow older. Reading the paper remains a great source of pleasure and of keeping-in-touch with not only national and international affairs, but more importantly, staying aware of local and state news written by sharp writers with a passion for revealing the truths about their hometowns and state.
If you asked me to name experiences from my past that I miss today, one of them would be the popularity of newspapers. It was our common source of information for news outside of our local community's interactions, and there was just something special about sharing this experience with your neighbors and friends. You didn't have the thousands of communication platforms that the internet has provided, or the explosion of magazines, digital blogs, mass emails, and so on. There was usually one (or possibly two) newspapers in your city that most everyone consumed and discussed on a daily basis. Of course it was a simpler time, but I would say it was a more civilized and informed culture as well. I say that because the news that you consumed was usually written from an angle of factual and source dependence that doesn't seem to be as common today. Plus, and I think this is a big deal, you knew who the professionals were, and they worked hard to maintain your trust. They had worked long and hard to perfect their craft and skill and that was apparent in the news of the day. In today's culture, you are never sure who is writing the content that you are reading, their writing skill is usually poor, and it is rare event to see a thoughtful, informative, yet non-slanting piece of writing that's main motivation is to inform, not to influence.
But, I digress.
Each year, I try to visit my parents, who still get a daily paper delivered to their home. The blessing of having them around is something of which I daily give thanks. There is a soothing comfort to adapting to long-lost rhythms in their home and feeling the cares of the world dissolving from my mind. The sights, sounds, and smells of my parent's home are a time capsule that works its magic upon my soul. I take a deep breath and resolve to fully immerse myself in this moment, not willing to miss any part of this experience. Home is a magical place, and there is a special bond that has been cultivated over time. Beyond the deep conversations, the board games, the catching up on family news, there is also the daily paper. I'm amazed how quickly we settle into our familiar routines in our attempts to possesses our favorite sections of the newspaper. But mostly I find that with each and every visit I grow in gratitude upon hearing the words, "Has anyone seen the paper?"
