The Mystery Of Who They Are . . .

As I type these words I'm sitting in my parents living room and giving thanks for them and for their positive impact on my life. I just finished a book by Ian Cron, "Jesus, My Father, The CIA and Me" and in this book he talked about the mystery of knowing our parents deeply, and even forwarded the opinion of if we should seek to discover stories about our parents. His reasoning is as follows, how can we really ever understand the motivations, environments and relationships that drove their decisions? Since it is impossible to replicate their environment in which life-decisions were made should we even attempt to discern the motivation behind such landmarks?

The quandary is that the people we love will always be the most shrouded in mystery, unattainable to the probing questions of their mortal loved ones. This is how it has always been and will always be. I’m reminded of this quote from the TV show, Madam Secretary, (This quote is from the Mom to her oldest daughter) “ If you never listen to anything I say again for the rest of your life, please hear this: Everything is more complicated than you think it is right now. And the only way you come to know that is through experience. And that’s what this whole process of growing up is all about.”


But it doesn't mean that there isn't wisdom worth mining through intentional digging. If you love someone you want to discover everything you can about them, what makes them tick, what they enjoy, and what they have experienced. And as you and your loved ones get older you realize the urgency of the remaining moments left in your lives (as well as theirs). Someday the voices we love the most will be silent and the opportunity to discover will be over. I believe that every child assumes responsibility after a certain age to unlock these moments, to gently probe with the hope of learning more about the world as viewed through the eyes of our loved ones.

After parents usher their children into the world generally comes the wilderness period, the time where the child feels invincible and the parent feels forgotten. The prayer is for this season to end with as little pain and consequences as possible and the maximum amount of wisdom to be absorbed during this time. Prayers deepen in intensity as grandchildren become part of the equation and families continue to grow. Relationships grow deeper and peace slowly returns to the valley. Or at least this is the hope.

Here lies the path into true insight. To feel trusted with information that has remained hidden for decades. I think the fear of discovering hard truths is that they may raise more questions than they answer. There is a real possibility of misunderstanding but I believe the payoff is worth the risk. Anything that isn't growing is dying and this is the crucial moment where both sides need to handle these deeper waters with grace and kindness. And let's be honest, we are all going to turn into our parents if we live long enough, you might as well learn more about who you are going to become.

If we love our parents, care-givers, children we should look for ways to serve them as we all journey through this life. To quote Ian Cron, "Love always stoops." So here is to deep conversations, late-night mysteries and the grace to handle your newly found treasure.